Our Aim Towards Positivity

It is that special time in the year again and you have stepped into the abyss of birthday pondering.  Most of us find ourselves feeling despondent.  We sometimes choose to  Cut off all contact with humanity to sulk into the depths of another despairing 365 days of complete and utter failure as human beings.  You stop to assess the miniscule progression of at least one possible accomplishment.  You measure your self worth.  You evaluate and compare yourself in a society that clearly understands the meaning of success, love and achievement.  You remind yourself about how everyone seems so content, accomplished, smarter, creative, prettier and EVERYONE is judging you: It’s embarrassing to be unemployed.  It’s embarrassing even to BE employed if it’s considered “beneath” the social status within your circles.  It’s humiliating to be fat. It’s humiliating to be average. It’s humiliating to be skinny.  It’s embarrassing to be seen in what you’re wearing.  It’s embarrassing to be single.  It’s embarrassing if you’re not married at 21, 25, 30 and God forbid past that. And if you’re NOT single, it’s embarrassing to be in a relationship that others disapprove of constantly.  It’s embarrassing to be divorced. It’s embarrassing to have a psychiatric disability.  It’s embarrassing to have a physical disability. What will the neighbors say now? How will my sister or brother get married with this “shame” on the family? You’re not financially secure, you’re family isn’t financially secure. There’s tension, anger, shame and resentment among family, friends. The drama and politics are everlasting, deeply rooted and have been taken to the grave. You’re wealthy, your family is wealthy.  You’re wealthy but your family and/or friends are not. They’re greedy, you’re greedy. Not greedy enough. The division of finances  have become imbalanced. There’s tension, anger, shame and resentment. The drama and politics are everlasting, deeply rooted and have been taken to the grave.

You are in your 20’s, your 40’s, 50’s.  You’re 82, bless your soul -if you believe in the after life that is.  You’ve found God. Truth. Spirituality of some kind.  You’re still searching. Stopped believing in “higher powers”.  You’re an Atheist -and now your family disown you because you’re a disgrace. You’re dead in their eyes and they’ve mourned your spiritual death and have severed all ties.  Jesus won’t save you now.  Heaven’s gate has closed the doors on you, (and ran out of Nike sneakers),…or maybe, they’ve upgraded and all you need now is a username and password to make amends and you’re good to go.  Or, even better if you’re a hacker trapped in hell, you’ll still have a free pass -hey look at how easy that would be huh.    Whether you are young, older, old, wiser, wise…it’s all relative.  Nevertheless, it is utterly impossible to stay even mildly content when we’re struggling with the constant bombardment of how we’re supposed to look, act, feel and be. I mean, how are we supposed to look? Is the wrinkle near my eye hideous? Will They notice how bad my sagging skin is hanging under my arms and thighs? Shit, my acne damaged my face so bad as a teen, I look like moon craters and cottage cheese lumps.

Who are we supposed to be?  Damn, my high school English teacher was right, I suck at spelling and I can’t pull a freakin sentence together. Fragments, what? And run ons that are so long, if I were on the yellow brick road I’d stay smack in the middle somewhere cuz neither Kansas, the Emerald City or Oz itself would have a finish line and hell if I know where I’m even going with this but I was just watching some movie from the 80’s called The Return to Oz -where everything was destroyed and deserted and the people all turned to stone, including the Tin man.  I’ll never be a writer.  Oh no, I still don’t know how much tip to leave the waiter, math phobia. Will they notice how dumb I am now? crap, where’s the calculator.  Teachers have a knack for educating. Sometimes, they’d even go beyond their call of duty and share with  you some wise words -and a possible school yard joint just to, ya know, come down to your level and all. “You know, son, (or daughter or sister or whatever), you can always do something creative”, hmm. K. As if that’s a bad thing?   Doh. Fruckity, Fruck, what is a hashtag again? Great, now all the kids are gonna call me #prehistoric cave dweller.  How do I figure out if what I’m doing is right?  Luckily, you can always turn on your tv, once you figure out your remote -because we’ve forgotten manual mode or, rather, it has been extinct for 2 decades now.  Once you’ve managed that much, you can flip through some reality tv and feel at ease by watching, “What NOT to wear”, just to be on the safe side of life. Phew. How do I figure out if who I am is right?  Is there a right? Do I have rights?? Am I lost? Will I ever figure out who I want to be? What I want to do?? Will they ever LIKE me? Will I ever like me??

Happy memories vanish. Happy days forgotten. And, for some, happiness has never truly existed. Life is draining, disorienting, confusing, anxiety ridden, unfriendly, painful, misunderstood.  And you feel alone, singled out, miserable with problems that nobody on this planet can even remotely relate to. Not even a little.  And, they never will. No one. Ever. Because, like my friend’s grandma Libby used to say, “They don’t understand it and They Neva will”.

So, how and why in God’s name -and Mohammed, Vishnu, Jesus, George Burns, Charlton Heston, Alanis Morisette and Barbara Streisand -should I celebrate and acknowledge my Birthday??  Well.  I’m not exactly sure, but I can share with you my thoughts and plans for my birthday which will soon be approaching June 28th.  This has been a year of tremendous growth for me.  I have been so thankful and blessed to have come to an incredible place in my life.  I want to be able to share in the idea of spreading hope, strength and inspiration while we continue learning how to stay uplifted in the face of difficulty.   I’m not fully sure on the exact birthday plan just yet.  I have a few small ideas in mind about how and who I’d like to share this day with.  I’ve never shared my birthday plans with strangers and online friends before so, I figured, hey, spread the love around right?  K, don’t punch me.

BIRTHDAY ART PROJECT 2012:

1.  Anyone that I have ever crossed paths with, on the internet, off the internet -whether I know you well or not at all, it doesn’t matter. I would love for you to be involved and I’d be thankful, uplifted and inspired when you participate! And I hope that this will be just as uplifting, inspiring and exciting for you as well!

2.  Birthday Location:  Trump Tower and/or Roof Top.

3. Date/ Time:  Thursday evening, June 28, 2012.  I’d like it to be in the evening as the sun sets.  Possibly 7:30pm.

4.  Number of people needed:  As many that would enjoy attending.  Actually, the more people,  the more beautiful it will be.

5. Refreshments will be provided!

6. Any of you with an instrument of some kind, bring it, share it, play it!

*OBJECTIVE:  Scandalous activity culminating to a climactic orgy. We will evoke the Gods of debauchery while frolicking barefoot, (K, not really but, potentially for Birthday Project 2013). (Not really).

**MAIN OBJECTIVE:  To have each one of you write down one or more positive messages.  Like, the happiest memories you’ve had/have, things you’re thankful for. I’m absolutely open to suggestions. I’d like to release them into the sunset or the night time sky!  I’ve been researching lanterns, helium balloons, and Feathers…but there are some restrictions and laws regarding each of these.  Please feel free to share your ideas!

*I just looked up some of the symbolism behind Feathers and it seems like something I migh consider!

“Symbol meaning of feathers deal with ascension and spiritual evolution to a higher plane. Feathers were worn by Native American Chiefs to symbolize their communication with Spirit, and to express their celestial wisdom. Also in the Native American Indian culture, feathers represented the power of the thunder gods, along with the power of air and wind.”

***June 20, 2012 update: I have to close off the invite officially to write up a guest list, sorry for those who haven’t rsvp’d! 

***I’m super excited for this event and looking forward to seeing all of you that confirmed, yay!  

*Please no drugs. Shoes optional.