March 5, 2012 by Rivky
This will be the first time and first show that I’ve invited people from so many different parts of my life…and I’ve made it public. eek. Not to say that everyone will attend. But, it will be interesting to see all my worlds collide through Art. In addition to anxiously putting myself out there, it will be the first sort of controversial piece that I’ve done regarding religious influences…which heavily touches on the core of who I am and how I was raised..and how I choose to live my life currently.
I feel apprehensive. I feel acknowledged. I feel jittery. I feel scared. I feel content. I feel curious. I feel inhibited. I feel touched. I feel inspired. I feel strengthened. I feel shy. I feel unabashed, unprincipled, doubtful, hesitant, proud, humbled and appreciative to know where I stand and thankful to have insight into who I am creatively, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.
I was just discussing with a friend the difference between being proud of yourself and having too much pride. Where is this division? Is there a line? Are they two completely separate things? Has the definition of the word ego been blurred by theory and culture? Has the word self-esteem been blurred by theory and culture? Can I ‘brag’ about myself without it being misconstrued or distorted by a person’s human development and the progress of positive growth? I used the word ‘brag’ to make a statement. Now re-track: Can I express what my strengths are without my OWN brain sparking a flash of influenced societal doubt and insecurity that may potentially be misconstrued and distorted by THEIR brains sparking a flash of what these definitions convey linguistically, culturally?
Are we all slightly confused? Has the ego been blurred and muddled and possibly damaged…by society’s misinterpretation? How do we take back the individual term of ego, pride, confidence and success and make it our own, without narcissistic, self-centered and conceited falsifications? Where can the balance be restored of, not just the etymological basis for how we communicate and are perceived but, also from an introspective angle that can hold itself independently powerful and from irreverently remaining culturally skewed?
Side Note: I’m good at art, good at singing, good at writing and oh so proud of myself for being able to share it with all sorts of individuals that are a part of my life and my world.
I’m still filled with anticipatory anxiety about worlds colliding and clashing, along with a mildly controversial piece that will be hung on the gallery wall. I will clank my glass of wine and celebrate my freedom to be me.
(and just in case you so ever happen to be in the neighborhood, my work will be up March 15, 2012 at Fountain Gallery. NYC.